The partner reported on the break up spells. In the first days we experience a shock and emptiness, and then we torture ourselves for a long time: “When did the first crack pass between us? What did I do (not) and why did he (a) cease to love? “These thoughts will not return us our beloved, but they deprive us of faith in ourselves. Psychologist Jill Weber offers five steps that can interrupt painful walking around in a circle and look at what happened on the other side.
STEP # 1
Parting as part of the life experience
Think, would you be who you are if you were always happy? Most likely, now it seems to you that the question sounds mocking. You are unbearably hard, and you think that this pain will not leave you. Over time, when you overcome the sense of loss, you realize that you have managed to survive emotionally, become more confident. And if on your way there are other difficulties and losses, you will be psychologically ready for them.
STEP # 2
The end of a relationship is not your defeat
Studies show that people who relate to the successes and defeats in love as a confirmation of their value and significance are more painfully restored after the loss of relations. You are, first of all, an independent, self-sufficient person. You do not get worse or better, depending on how and by whose initiative the relationship ends. The gap should not affect your self-esteem.
Now is the best time to establish a dialogue with yourself and prepare for a new love
Treat the event not as an event that characterizes you, but as a process that can teach you a lot. Now it hurts, but after a while, you will be able to see more clearly what happened. This will help in the future to enter into a new relationship with the baggage of important psychological experience, deeper understanding that you are expensive and important in the future partner, and what is unacceptable.
STEP # 3
Concentrate on inner movement
Magazines in similar situations advise delivering to themselves pleasures and something to change in the appearance (usually it concerns women). Certainly, going to a cosmetologist, a new hairstyle or a dress can raise the mood, but the program of internal transformations is much more effective. Which ones are up to you.
Perhaps you want to expand the circle of communication, develop communication skills. Also, now is the best time to establish a dialogue with yourself. To meet a new love, be able to give and receive while retaining inner freedom.
STEP # 4
Do not be afraid of revaluation
Think, not too often did you make concessions and compromises that made you feel restrained? Perhaps, before announcing the separation, your partner hurt you, and you allowed it? It’s time to reflect and prioritize. Perhaps your reassessment will affect not only romantic relationships but also friendship with other people.
STEP # 5
Return to your interests
Probably, the period that preceded the separation was not easy. And you with less attention to your hobbies and interests, communication with people who are dear to you. Obviously, it’s time to turn to yourself, start or continue those activities that attract you, renew contacts with friends.